Begin Again...

I love fresh starts...don't you?

The Next Chapter

Stair Climbing

Go on...what are you waiting for?

Just grab hold of the rail and go for it!

Enough.

You are enough!

Now go show the world.

Devotion...

The Passage of Time...

Finding Joy in All Things

It’s not always easy but it is always worth it

You won’t mind if I shamelessly posts picture of my adorable son building something for me as I ramble on will you?  No?  Good!

I don’t know if any of you follow Sasha over at Lemonade Makin Mama or not (but you totally should because she is amazing).  Personally, I find that I am drawn to her blog when I need to feel inspired.  She writes from the heart and truly makes you feel close to her through her words, for me, its similar to the feeling of a puppy curling up on my lap as it drifts to sleep.  Just a sweet, comforted, warm and relaxed feeling comes over me each time I read her posts.  Sometimes, I can feel her tears in her words and am moved to tears myself.  To say that she has a way with words is an underestimation of her talents as a writer.

Recently she put up this post about what has been taking place in her life and her struggles over the last couple of years and her decision to finally give “it” ALL over to God.  Her struggles seem to mirror my own so closely…I guess that is why I am drawn to her time and again.

But then again, we all struggle with that to a degree don’t we?  There are times that we truly believe that we have given it all to Him to handle only to find that there is still that little “something” that we feel the need to control ourselves that keeps us from completely surrendering to Him.

Several months ago, I too decided to hand over to God all of a situation in my life.  I prayed on it…and by prayed I mean got down on my hands and knees and blubbered like an idiot begging Him to help me with the situation in my life that felt a bit like an out of control merry-go-round.  I prayed for the voice to say the things that needed to be said and to let go of all the rest but more than that, the courage to accept the outcome…whatever it may be.

I prayed that when the time was right to have my voice heard, that He would let me know. And I patiently waited.  Over that time several things started to take place.

My anger over this situation subsided but I found that it was replaced by hurt.  That gut wrenching type of hurt that can only be caused by someone that you love.  It was a raw emotion that left me without words.  The hurt was so deep that I wanted nothing to do with it.  I ignored it and only wanted it to stop but I didn’t know how to make it.  So I prayed further and harder and asked that God show me how.  And I listened while he softly spoke to me through this message…

“Joy is the flag that flies above the castle of our hearts indicating that the King reigns within.” If that is true, then why are so many women living lives with little or no joy? I’m afraid that we have bought the lies of the enemy, allowing him to steal our joy. Discouragement, weariness, disillusionment, shattered dreams and unrealized goals are some of his favorite weapons, but the truth is that the enemy can only use what we allow him to use. It is time for us to reclaim surrendered ground. Do you sometimes think you are fighting the same old battles you have been fighting for years? I do. Clinging to familiar pain, we find our identity there. Consumed with our own agenda, joy is buried under a mountain of self. Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control..." Mary Southerland

Um YEA!  That is totally how I am feeling!  So I struggled to come to terms with the root of the hurt and what was causing it:  The feeling that I was being judged for past mistakes and current circumstances that were beyond my control.  It’s hard being judged for that which I can not change… things that helped to make me who I am today but aren’t who I am and wishing that the one passing judgment would realize that it is the future that isn’t yet written in stone.

Time passes…things change…people change.

And then I felt Him nudge me.  And I said my peace.  And nothing changed.

Then…

My searching led me to something amazing that I'd never seen before.  I was lead to the book of Jeremiah and there's a very well known verse all about God knowing the plans He has for you, yada, yada, yada, and to be honest, I was putting off getting to that part because of where I was at emotionally. As Sasha explains in words I can understand, “Basically, God kept trying to get the Israelites to quit worshiping idols, etc, and he gave them warning, after warning to no avail.  He was finally like "Okay guys, if you insist on crossing every line, I'm gonna have to let the Babylonians carry you off into slavery to get your attention, but I'll only keep you there for seventy years."  God spoke up; "This is what the Lord says: 'When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,' declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29: 10-14a.

So in laymen terms…my misery has a time limit!  Halleluiah!  Just that in itself comforts me greatly.

I feel like we’re finally living the life that God has willed us to do and we are so close to seeing the end of this, but you know the saying, "Close only counts in horseshoes." 

Somehow, in all of this, I realized that I was meant to suffer this heartache…though I do not know why yet.  Maybe there is a lesson for me to learn…that all actions both good and bad carry consequences.  That I should not judge less I want to be judged. 

In the mean-time, I'm going to seek Him with my whole heart and I'm going to choose the knowledge that God is firmly in control.  And I'm taking back my joy!!  How about you?  Can you relate to this place at all?

The Reason...

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

(or so I'm told)

My life has been hectic beyond belief lately.  Mr. AKM works during the day and goes to school full-time at night; therefore, I am, for all intents and purposes a single parent.  UGH!  How do people do that everyday?  For all those single parents out there…you totally ROCK!  Seriously.  You are so underpaid and monumentally underappreciated!

If I’m not at my full-time day job, I am running my kids all over the place for their sports practices and games.  Three days a week I INSIST on going to my yoga TRX classes.  They. Can. NOT. Be. Missed!  End of story.  If I miss my “me” time, it makes for one un-happy mama.  And if mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy!  It’s true.  I admit it. I can be a bit of a pain in the ass difficult to live with if I don’t get my “me” time to sweat my ass off and relieve a little tension 3 days a week.  That’s all I ask for is 3 measly hours a week for myself. 

Lately, it has been difficult to get even that small amount of time for myself.  But I make it happen.  Most of the time.

But because I make that happen, something else in my life has/had to give.  I thought about offering my kids up as Tribute (Hunger Games anyone)??  But was promptly reminded by my husband that THAT would be unacceptable.  Really??  Ya think? 

So I passed on cleaning my house for three weeks straight.  I made the conscious decision to NOT clean my house.  Do any of you realize how difficult that is/was for a total neat freak to do?  It was painful people!  Seriously painful!  Then I found some adorable little dust bunnies playing peek-a-boo with me in the corner and had enough!  So, this past weekend, I cleaned house for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.  So not cool! 

I’ve decided to go back to my weekly cleaning schedule.

I tried skipping on meals at night and making quickie sandwiches instead.  That was all well and good till about 8:00 at night when everyone was STARVING and mowing through containers of ice cream and other goodies to help fill the void of not eating a healthy meal. 

We are all 5 lbs heavier now.  So….

I’ve decided to start cooking meals on the weekend to have throughout the week to help combat this.

I have no time to work on projects…no time to bake.  There are at least 12 loads of laundry that needs to be done.  I need to help my oldest with his science project…my youngest with a book report…make lunches, cook dinners, clean the house, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, the fish, grocery shop, mow the lawn, water the lawn and shovel something that resembles food into my own mouth.

I am constantly running against the clock to fit it all into one day.  And I realized that I was no longer finding joy in any of it. 

I was annoyed this past weekend that my kids insisted that I go see the Hunger Games with them.  All I could think of was the 4 hours that would be “wasted” not working on things that I needed to get done.  I resented THEM for wanting time with me. 

That realization sucked the breath right out of me.  There are people that would give up anything to have time with their kids.  Moms and dads fighting wars would surely give up all that they could to spend 4 hours with their child to watch a movie, parents that have lost their child, children that have lost their parents.  People that would give anything just to HAVE kids…and here I was resenting it.  I am not proud of that. 

So to get on to the point of this post…I have realized that burning the candle at both ends makes me a failure on all fronts.  I can not have it all without something falling through the cracks…and it seems that I have been the one falling through the cracks…which pulled everything else down with me. 

So, what I am saying is this…please pardon my absence occasionally while I figure out how to balance what I love with what I must do.  I promise to make the most of this time so that I have something substantial to offer to you when I do make a post.

So until then...God bless…

Inspriation...

Where do you find it?

Personally, this is all the inspiration that I need to paint EVERYTHING with chalkboard paint!  What about you?

Faith...is there any other way?

How the Cookie Crumbles and the Nerf War Begins...


Do you ever have those moments where you look around you at all that is going on in your life and think to yourself

…this is so NOT my life?  

This is NOT what I had set out to accomplish at this age

…This is NOT where I expected to be at this stage. 

I had expected to be traveling more

…be more successful

…have more money saved

…be at a secure spot in our lives

…be preparing for a future

…saving for college educations for our children

…paying off mortgages sooner

…really thinking about a retirement plan. 

But we are not. 

Instead we are one of the statistics

…one of the unemployed statistics that is. 

One of the hundreds of thousands of others struggling to make ends meet every day.

While that sounds like a lot,

I find comfort knowing that We. Are. Not. Alone.

We are only ONE. 

And just when the entire weight of the world is resting right on top of your shoulders and you think that you can’t hold it up any longer and you feel your head actually drop as you stare at the floor and you allow yourself to wonder why…Why me?  Why now?...

And at that very moment that your are drowning in your own self pity

Your kid pops you back into reality with a Nerf bullet to the head and then the other one starts pelting you with this machine gun type action which results in a huge frenzy of Nerf gun wars while you duck to take cover behind a chair choosing to grab the pillow off of it using it as a shield to run up the stairs to get your own gun in an effort to save yourself

…and the laughter erupts. 

That type of laughter that makes your side feel like it’s about to split open from laughing so hard! 

That was me last night! 

And that Nerf bullet to the head…that was God!

That was his reminder to live in the moment for it is all we truly have. 

Be thankful for today…

Be present in the moment…

Know that the future will take care of itself…

And God has a plan for each of us. 

It may not happen as quickly as I would like for it to or in the way that others expect for it too…but it WILL happen.  I KNOW this to be true.  I can feel change coming.  I feel something good stirring deep in my soul and I KNOW that God is working his magic in each of us in my household.  I believe that all things happen for a reason and that something good always comes out of a bad situation.

I am not at liberty to share all the details of our situation but know that something good this way comes!

And by good I mean a batch full of spicy cinnamon AWESOME-NESS!  I betcha you all thought I forgot about the cookies huh?  I wouldn't do that to ya!  Not in a million years!

These cookies are a tradition around here at Christmas time...and my man knew that they were JUST what I needed when I walked through the door today :)  That's right, I said MY MAN!  I'd love to take the credit for these chewy, gooey and OH SO YUMMY cookies, but alas, I can not.  He is the one that is to receive all the rewards for his efforts.  GO MR. AKM!  YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK!

But since he baked them I do not have photos to share of the during process...BOOO!  We forgive him though, don't we?  YES!  So I will just leave you with one last photo and then the recipe....

Spicy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies with Cinnamon Chips

1/2 c. butter, softened

1/2 c. butter flavored shortening

1 c. packed light brown sugar

1/2 c. white sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1/2 tsp salt

3 cups rolled oats

1 c. raisins

1/2 c. cinnamon chips

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 deg. F.

2.  In large bowl, cream together the butter, butter flavored shortening, brown sugar, white sugar, eggs and vanilla until smooth.  Combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt; stir into the sugar mixture.  Stir in the oats, raisins and cinnamon chips.   Drop by rounded teaspoons (or tablespoons) full onto an ungreased cookie sheet.

3.  Bake 10 to 12 minutes until light and golden.  Do not overbake.  Let them cool before removing them to a cooling rack.  Store in an airtight container.

Sharing the love in the follwing places...

Finding Fabulous

Chic on a Shoestring

Fingerprints on the Fridge

Shabby Nest

Whipperberry
Savvy Southern Style

Blue Cricket Design

Someday Crafts