Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Reason...

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...
(or so I'm told)

My life has been hectic beyond belief lately.  Mr. AKM works during the day and goes to school full-time at night; therefore, I am, for all intents and purposes a single parent.  UGH!  How do people do that everyday?  For all those single parents out there…you totally ROCK!  Seriously.  You are so underpaid and monumentally underappreciated!

If I’m not at my full-time day job, I am running my kids all over the place for their sports practices and games.  Three days a week I INSIST on going to my yoga TRX classes.  They. Can. NOT. Be. Missed!  End of story.  If I miss my “me” time, it makes for one un-happy mama.  And if mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy!  It’s true.  I admit it. I can be a bit of a pain in the ass difficult to live with if I don’t get my “me” time to sweat my ass off and relieve a little tension 3 days a week.  That’s all I ask for is 3 measly hours a week for myself. 

Lately, it has been difficult to get even that small amount of time for myself.  But I make it happen.  Most of the time.

But because I make that happen, something else in my life has/had to give.  I thought about offering my kids up as Tribute (Hunger Games anyone)??  But was promptly reminded by my husband that THAT would be unacceptable.  Really??  Ya think? 

So I passed on cleaning my house for three weeks straight.  I made the conscious decision to NOT clean my house.  Do any of you realize how difficult that is/was for a total neat freak to do?  It was painful people!  Seriously painful!  Then I found some adorable little dust bunnies playing peek-a-boo with me in the corner and had enough!  So, this past weekend, I cleaned house for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.  So not cool! 

I’ve decided to go back to my weekly cleaning schedule.

I tried skipping on meals at night and making quickie sandwiches instead.  That was all well and good till about at night when everyone was STARVING and mowing through containers of ice cream and other goodies to help fill the void of not eating a healthy meal. 

We are all 5 lbs heavier now.  So….

I’ve decided to start cooking meals on the weekend to have throughout the week to help combat this.

I have no time to work on projects…no time to bake.  There are at least 12 loads of laundry that needs to be done.  I need to help my oldest with his science project…my youngest with a book report…make lunches, cook dinners, clean the house, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, the fish, grocery shop, mow the lawn, water the lawn and shovel something that resembles food into my own mouth.

I am constantly running against the clock to fit it all into one day.  And I realized that I was no longer finding joy in any of it. 

I was annoyed this past weekend that my kids insisted that I go see the Hunger Games with them.  All I could think of was the 4 hours that would be “wasted” not working on things that I needed to get done.  I resented THEM for wanting time with me. 

That realization sucked the breath right out of me.  There are people that would give up anything to have time with their kids.  Moms and dads fighting wars would surely give up all that they could to spend 4 hours with their child to watch a movie, parents that have lost their child, children that have lost their parents.  People that would give anything just to HAVE kids…and here I was resenting it.  I am not proud of that. 

So to get on to the point of this post…I have realized that burning the candle at both ends makes me a failure on all fronts.  I can not have it all without something falling through the cracks…and it seems that I have been the one falling through the cracks…which pulled everything else down with me. 

So, what I am saying is this…please pardon my absence occasionally while I figure out how to balance what I love with what I must do.  I promise to make the most of this time so that I have something substantial to offer to you when I do make a post.

So until then...God bless…

1 comment:

  1. I hear you Angi! It's a constant battle to get it all done. I'll be here waiting whenever you have time to post. :)


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